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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26277121">Heartful of tears</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/senpqy/pseuds/senpqy'>senpqy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:21:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,805</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26277121</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/senpqy/pseuds/senpqy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>𝙃𝙚 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙨, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙙: 𝙖 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Heartful of tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was dark outside, more than it should be at such a reasonable hour of the evening. <br/>Blaring footsteps could be discerned in distance, someone clearly approaching. <br/>Kurapika pressed himself against the wall, concealing his nen as best as he could; 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘧 𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸. <br/>A sigh of relief left his lips as Uvo passed by, not noticing his presence,,𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. <br/>The blonde closed his lids for a moment, a terrible headache bothering him at the sudden change of his eyes: scarlet as ever. <br/>For a while now he's been silently observing the Troupe, finding its hideouts, planning the perfect strategy to land a stricking attack upon them. Of course, he didn't tell anyone about it, not only because it was compromising for his plan, but also because they would've tried to stop him. With a good reason why: it was him vs thirteen. <br/>A faded smile curled on his lips as adrenaline was madly rushing through his veins; 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. <br/>The boy waited patiently for each of the members to leave, so he could have an actual chance to fight their boss. <br/>After that was done, he made his way to the main hall, seeing as the leader was sitting on a chair in the middle. <br/>"So we meet again" Chrollo's voice echoed through the room, sending shivers down Kurapika's spine. And yet, that wasn't enough to stop him. <br/>A moment later and he conjured his fetters, a darker shade of red taking over his scarlet eyes. The Kurta didn't say anything but landed the first strike, trying to capture him with the Chain Jail, but 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 shortly after. <br/>The raven haired jumped out of his seat, drawing Ben's knife as he walked away across the room, far from the shackles' reach. <br/>And so the fight started, going on for several minutes, which were more than enough for Chrollo to accomplish one of his own plans. <br/>It only took a moment of negligence for Kurapika to be severely stabbed in his chest, dropping to the floor right after. <br/>"W-what-" He choked out whilst trying to use a chain, or really just protect himself with nen, but it was impossible now. The blonde already started blaming himself for not taking this alternative in consideration, feeling as his sight was going blurry, blood gushing out of his wound. <br/>"I gave you the chance to back off and live your life. But you just don't know when to quit,do you? " Chrollo started speaking again as he brought his book, opening it to one of the many pages. "And now.. " He reached his hand forward and conjured all of the five chains. "You gave me the opportunity to get what I wanted" The leader continued with a slight grin, proud of himself. <br/>And so, with that, Kurapika was left to die on the floor, bleeding to a bitter death. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>[Pov]<br/>Shortly after Illumi has joined the Phantom Troupe, things started to get tensed, everyone knew that. He'd spend most of his time with Hisoka, asking to be paired with him in missions, throwing glances at each other;it was too obvious for the other members not to notice there was something between the two. And it wasn't a problem, it didn't quite bother anyone, until one point. <br/>Chrollo started to get sick of what was happening, secretly dating or not, it was distracting from the Troupe business, as well as annoying in general. So one day, when the members had to leave because  one of the missions was finished, he stopped the black haired to have a word with him. <br/>"What is it? " Illumi started the conversation, intrigued by the sudden requirement. <br/>"Tell me, you don't care for Hisoka, do you? I think your parents wouldn't be happy if you did" The leader replied, opening his book, eyeing the assassin with a smile. <br/>"No, I don't. " Was all the black haired managed to say before feeling a strike go through his chest, cold metal plummeting on his heart. <br/>"Then you will Kill him. " Chrollo started speaking again, using the Judgement Chain to set conditions for the other. Ever since the fight with Hisoka, he started to despise him, therefore,he thought a little entertainment wouldn't harm anyone. "And you cannot tell him you were obligated to do it"<br/>Illumi's lips parted in shock, not knowing what to say or how to react, drawing his needles out was now too late. <br/>"I can't do that"<br/>"Why so, weren't you the one saying you don't care about him? "<br/>"I don't have any reason to kill him. "<br/>"Well I guess that's too bad, now you're obligated to. "<br/>The short conversation ended with Chrollo retrieving the chain and leaving shortly after, not willing to take it any further than that. </p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br/>[I]<br/>Illumi felt as his heart was shrinking with each beat, rooting in the place he stood in. <br/>𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢. The two words were echoing through his head, making his legs weak, trying to make him break down, collapse on the floor. <br/>𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢. 𝘏𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥, 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘮. <br/>No, that couldn't happen, it was just a misunderstanding. How could he even  obligate him do that, it's not like it depended on his life.. And yet he saw the chains, 𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢'𝘴 chains. <br/>He felt his hands sweat nervously, his head hurting, his heart 𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. That just couldn't be happening. It was all in such a rush it seemed unreal, 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘦. </p><p>Illumi sighed deeply, starting to get away from the hideout. He wasn't realizing what was happening yet, he was trying to comprehend the whole situation, getting humbled. The black haired wasn't even sure where he was going, his legs just kept walking towards an unknown place, to cleanse his sorrows. </p><p>𝗟𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗱,𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘁𝘀. 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄,𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲,𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘂𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘁.<br/> 𝗛𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹, 𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗼𝗿𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻,𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲. 𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗻𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗺 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘀𝗼 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗰𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗿𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗲𝗳𝘁. <br/> 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢, 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢, 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢.. His heart started pounding again.. 𝘏𝘪𝘴𝘰𝘬𝘢.. adrenaline rushed through his veins... 𝘏𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘭-</p><p>"You knocked? " Hisoka's voice snapped the Zoldyck out of his thoughts and before he knew it, he burst inside the jester's apartment. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥. <br/>Illumi's heart started pounding madly, feeling as the shackle around it tightened, begging him to murder, now, there, 𝘩𝘪𝘮.<br/>  His eyes locked up squarely with the magician's. The face was blank, vacant, sending cold shivers down the other's spine. Yet his eyes, were dreadful. An endless dismay, voiding his whole. Black as they were, they stared into his Hisoka's soul, showing more despair than one could ever imagine. <br/>𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮. <br/>He drew a few needles out, strays of hair falling before his shoulders. <br/>[H]<br/>As soon as he heard a few knocks at his door, the magician walked lazily to open it, quite inquisitive. <br/>A small smile curled on his lips, seeing that his beloved one decided to come back home, spend time with him. 𝘏𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳. <br/>His simper dropped quickly, noticing the enrage coming within the assassin's murderous aura; something was wrong.<br/>"Are you alright, darling? " His voice echoed again as he took a step back, instinctively activating his own nen. <br/>𝘕𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦. </p><p>[I]<br/>𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝙝𝙞𝙢. <br/>Illumi was for the first time ever, so frightened. He was so scared to lose the only person that ever cared for him, all because he couldn't control his own body. <br/>The black haired opened his mouth to say something, to reply, yet the words got stuck in his throat, unable to get them out. It felt so strange, how he wanted to scream and warn the magician, but he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵. The sentences were all clouding in his gullet, making him want to throw up, vomit all the stress and pressure. <br/>𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳. <br/>The assassin's hand rose with an unexplainable speed, throwing the two needles at Hisoka, one in his chest, one in his esophagus. </p><p>[H]<br/>The situation was beyond the jester's power of understanding. He showed up at his door, with no explanation, then took his weapons out, unexpectedly. And yet, he couldn't care enough to worry or defend himself, because he knew, the assassin loved him. He'd never 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮. <br/>As he was trying to get closer to speak again with him, a shill affliction striked through his whole body, not even seeing the needle that cut through the air, to eventually reach his body. <br/>"Illumi.." Hisoka managed to say in a low voice before collapsing to the floor, blood gushing out of his wounds. </p><p>[I] <br/>Shortly after the slender hollow instruments left his hand, Illumi felt a looseful relief take over his whole. It was like the pressure had vanished within seconds, making him light as a feather. </p><p>𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦. </p><p>The black haired's eyes widened, perplexed by his own actions. He rushed to the body laying in front of him, slowly placing the magician's head in his lap. <br/>"I'm so sorry I-" He stuttered lightly as his arms trembled around the other, a few tears starting to roll down his cheeks. </p><p>[H]<br/>Hisoka's sight quickly became blurry, his ears clogging. <br/>"You said you'd never kill me.. " His voice spoke for the lightest, his power of talking lowering within seconds. <br/>"I thought-" A cough interrupted his next sentence, leaving him almost breathlessly. And god, 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘥. </p><p>[I]<br/>Illumi felt as remorse was taking over his body, the exertion sticking him as repugnant pain. <br/>"I'm so sorry I didn't-" He stopped speaking, a loud, messy sob leaving his lips as his hands stained against the crimson fluid, flowing everywhere. <br/>His thoughts withdrawed, making him spill bitter tears.<br/>He was 𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 in a sea of 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. </p><p>"I'm sorry, 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵! "</p><p>The only words he managed to get out, before the fetters tightened considerably, crushing illumi's heart between them. 𝘏𝘦 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯. </p><p>[H]<br/>Hisoka was acutely hurting, as well physically, as emotionally. He wanted to scream 'I love you' or perhaps just make his last words matter, but before he could do that, he watched terrified as Illumi's body dropped to the floor near him. <br/>The magician looked up to the ceiling, a small tear trickling down, in the corner of his eye. Before he could bleed to death, Hisoka needed to see the black haired one more time, lifeless as he was. And the only price he paid, was a heartful of tears.</p>
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